All the Pretty Horses

Yep, you guessed it - to change her mind... and I do, quite frequently. What I can't do is sell my buddies. Not now. Not while there is still a chance for everything to work out in our favor. Before Jeff woke up I browsed through some pics and stumbled acrossed a video clip of Padre I'd forgotten about. He was playing in his water trough, splashing the water out of it with his muzzle. I asked him if he was having fun and he nodded his head fervently. I asked him another question and he looked at me a bit, seeming to think on it, then he nodded his head with even more passion and popped his lips. As I imagined myself in the future and in the situation of having lost the horses and my job and looking at these pics and videos as though looking back on the past, my heart ached and I missed my buddies terribly. That's when I knew - I can't lose them while there is still hope... hope for a future with them in it. Yes, I can always get new horses, but the ones I have are the ones I want, and isn't that what everyone is looking for - to actually want what you have? I am happy with what I have. I'll stand pat and see where life takes us.

Oh, and I changed my mind on the competition this weekend, too. I'm not going tomorrow. I will go July 1st... that one is just a few miles down the road and, for the same price to enter, pays out really well. Then, I will see how I feel about the run on the following weekend.

I've been going round and round on this for .... I guess about 2 months now. I would make up my mind, then a few weeks later change it. And now, the deadline is here and I am still at the crossroads.

Will I quit my job? Will I take the buyout for $70,000 (before taxes) and leave my $60,000/yr job? Nothing pays that much for an "uneducated" employee. I have no degree to fall back on. It would mean selling the horses, the horse trailer, any extra tack (I couldn't sell my good saddle and bits/bridles) - because without my good job we wouldn't be able to take care of the horses. Besides that, I would go back to school, with a student loan, and that would take all my time what with the commute, classes and studying. I want to quit, but I had planned on staying at least 10 years - get some things accomplished on the 4T first. I also didn't plan on having to sell the horses when I leave my job, and I don't want to lose them - they are good horses and I love them. The plan was to have all the debts paid off so I could just go to school, ride when I could and us live off of Jeff's pay for awhile. Buuuuutt..... if I stay and try to make the "10 yr plan" we might not make it - there are rumors that we might go to one shift. If that happened, then I'd lose my job - with no buyout package to help pay off bills. And though that is just a rumor, I know for a fact that we will be off of work for the whole month of July, now. Maybe even the first week of August... then come back to work and find out if we will need to be layed off additional weeks. Everything is sooo uncertain. What will I do? What will I do?

I am staying up to wait for Jeff to wake up so I can talk to him. With these new rumors flying and with the additional time off and with the desire to quit so strong in my heart, I've got to talk to him. It's not that I hate my job - oh I've got my bad days - but most times I like it alright, and sometimes I really do love it. But, I really want to do something else - I want to teach about horses... maybe be an Ag teacher at a high school or an Equine Science professor at a college - that would be cool. I also want to apprentice with an accomplished professional trainer. I want to learn more about horses and training and I want to develop myself further. I know I can do this while staying at my job, but let's get realistic - I haven't been motivated enough to get the ball rolling and it looks like I'm gonna keep digging our financial pit deeper if I don't do something drastic to shake things up and make a big change.

After looking at all the figures, I think we can pay off a few things with the buyout money (after taxes), sell the horses and trailer and make it on Jeff's pay. A student loan would get me through school and we wouldn't have to pay on it till after graduation. If only Jeff will see it like I see it. But, then again, maybe he will see something I don't and can help me to feel better about sticking to the "10 yr plan". We'll see how it goes......

"The hope is to stay in the background away from the fire, and wait for someone or something to come along and grant us immunity from these difficulties and sacrifices, someone to offer reassurance, saying perhaps, "Take the safe way, not the way of passion and creativity, as the path to your destiny, the life you desire. Follow it and you will never be touched..."[But] we cannot neglect our inner fire without damaging ourselves in the process."
- David Whyte, 'The Heart Aroused'

Yesterday I had to take Scooter to the vet to get her yearly coggins test so that we can carry her to a horse sale in July... sooo, I figured I'd try to load Snix up and take her, too. The last time I tried to load her into the new trailer was the first time, too, and she would not load. I was trying to bring her home from the cow pasture, but was unsuccessful. Jeff's uncle Timbo ended up bringing her home in his stock trailer.

Anyhow, yesterday I got up early, set up some panels at the back of the trailer, so she couldn't try going to the side - makes the right choice easier. And I would tap her with the end of the lead... I'd start out tapping the air, then little taps on her rump, bigger taps, then - if she'd completely turn her fanny to the trailer - I'd whack her with it. She'd turn around quick and I'd stop. If she made the smallest motion towards the trailer I'd stop, relax and pet her. She put one foot in two different times, but jerked it right back out - I just stood back, putting no pressure on her, gave her a couple of seconds, then started asking her to go forward again. After about 20 minutes she finally got tired of the tapping and decided to go in. When she made up her mind to go in, she made no hesitation. I was pleasantly surprised. Then, when we got back ( I didn't unload her at the vet's), she backed out like a pro! She's never backed out for us before... of course our old trailer had more room to turn around, but this new one has mangers, so there's less room. Regardless, I barely even had to cue her, and, once again, she had no hesitation in her step. I was very excited with her and pleased. Snickers is such a sweetheart, and even though she rarely gets ridden, I just love having her around.

As far as the run last Saturday, it didn't rain as much as it was supposed to, so the ground was okay and they had the run. We just stopped by to pick up my award - a nice folding chair with our logo silkscreened on the back - and headed to Jeff's parent's house to celebrate Father's Day. They're having another run this Saturday, though, so we will go to that one. Then, there is a big money added run in Marshall on the following weekend and another NBHA run the weekend after that. Don't know if I'll try another "triple header".... we'll just have to play it by ear.

girl: "I don't go for this 'touchy-feely' stuff. It might be good for pets, but not for training barrel horses."

boy: "I don't think it has anything to do with being 'touchy-feely'. I think it's more about finding something that works."

-overheard at a natural horsemanship symposium by Horse & Rider editor Darrell Dodds

Our Josey Reunion pic finally came in, and it looks fabulous! I think it's Padre's best barrel racing pic yet. Well, it looks like today's barrel race is rained out. I haven't heard news on it yet, but it has been pouring down rain, so certainly they have called it off. I will call, though, to be sure. If, for some reason, they decide to carry on I will drive over there for my award, but I'm not gonna haul Padre off to run in the mud. Not with him being out of shape. I think I'm just gonna have to let the house become a pig-sty so I can ride. I had a mile-long to-do list for yesterday - I was going to stay up when I got off of work and just clean house, then start work outside at first day-light, and take a 3 hour nap before Jeff got home from work ... but, alas, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. My body was just too tired. However, my mind was "high" on God - I had been reading and fellowshipping with a co-worker, then singing in the truck and was just so happy over the greatness of God that I couldn't make myself settle down and go to sleep. When I finally did fall asleep Jeff's alarm started going off. Anyhow, to make a long story short, I ended up babysitting and visiting and got nothing done around the house. But, it was a great day. Any day spent with friends and family is a great day. Ah, but I degress.

In the last issue of Horse & Rider, there was a column in which the writer wrote about how she had called an "animal communicator" after a bad show. This "animal communicator" had really helped this woman's friends, so she decided to give it a try. The column was very convincing that this "animal communicator" was truly legite and could really get in your horse's mind and tell you what he/she was thinking and needed you to change. So, I got to thinking - "should I give it a try for Padre?" Is this wrong? Is this witchcraft, soothsaying, psychic stuff, evil tricks of the devil that God warns against? Maybe. I really don't know. I know it's not telling us the future, rather it's telling you what's going on right now. Still, it doesn't seem quite right - relying on a person to tell me what's going on in my animal's mind. Finally, as I was reading Psalm 139, it hit me - God knows my thoughts, of course He knows my horse's thoughts! DUH! So, anything I need to know, I can ask God, and I know He'll guide me to do the right things. As I asked Him to help me figure out what Padre needs to be happy, He brought some things to the forefront of my mind that I hadn't thought about, and some that were obvious. But, right now, I can do none of them. Pasture turnout - can't do it now. He wants to be closer to "the action", instead of being penned in the far pen, but I can't really change their pen order right now without some consequences I don't want to deal with. So, I prayed that God would comfort Padre until I can make changes that will make him happier. Sound crazy? I don't think so.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." -James 1:5

There is an NBHA run this weekend that I had been half way thinking about going to. Just when I decided against it (since I haven't been riding in the past few weeks), I received a calling post message from our district director that said we are having our awards ceremony just before the show this Saturday. All I have coming is an appreciation award, since I got all my work points sharing a kiss with Snicker-doodles
in, but if I don't go I won't get it... and I've heard that they give away some decent appreciation awards. hmmm... it sure would be nice to get a bucket or two - it seems I can never have enough buckets. Anyhow, this means mi comPadre and I will be hauling down el camino this Saturday and we will see how it goes with the competitive action. Maybe the time off will have done him some good.


"The air of heaven is that which blows between a horses ears." -Arabian Proverb

Before I delve into the "topic of the day" I've got to say that I have found a way to "have my cake and eat it too"... I've been expecting to pay over $1,200 each for automatic feeders, and that is why I've been so distraught over it. I found automatic feeders on www.quickfeed.com for $275 each - I'll pay less for all three than I would have for just one!!! So, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for us to pour the concrete for the Padre waiting for his 2 a.m. feeding
barn and stock the barn with feeders! Well, on to the cost of owning a horse...


Of course the cost can't be wholly measured in dollars and cents, but after tallying my figures I have come to see exactly how far we are digging into our pockets for simple "maintainance" of our four legged friends.

We go through just over 13 bags of feed every 30 days feeding Pepsi 3 lbs/day, Scooter 8 lbs/day and Snickers & Padre 5.5 lbs/day each. In addition to that we feed 1 bale of hay/day at a current cost of $5.50/bale (though that can fluctuate from $3.50 - $7). So, right now, on four horses, we're spending $3.85/day in feed and $5.50/day in hay for a total of $9.35/day ... adding up to $280/month (30 days). Once our feed coupons run out, this will rise $.55/day to $9.90/day or $297/month. Wow! That boils down to an average of $2.50/day for each horse, for feed and hay alone.

Now, if we reduce ourselves to just 3 horses, start using automatic feeders, and replaced feed & hay with One N Only (great extruded complete feed that we've used in the past with excellent results) the figures would look like this:

I'd start out feeding each horse (Pepsi, Padre & Snickers) 1 lb 12x/day at 2 hour intervals. At that rate we'd be feeding 21.6 bags of One N Only every 30 days for a sum of $7.20/day, $216/month or $2.40/day per horse. Even if we kept Scooter we'd still see a slight savings, but the benefits are further reaching than just the checkbook... the horses would finally have a consistent feeding schedule (the schedule currently gets erratic when we're shifting from the week to the weekend or any other time off of work); many many more feedings per day, allowing them to simulate grazing; healthier horses since they will have food in their systems at all times reducing the likelihood of ulcers; happier horses since they have food round the clock.

There are other costs as well, though. We spend an extra $2.25/day ($821.25/yr) in mineral and joint supplements for Padre. He also occassionally gets shoes ($70), Chiropractor adjustments($50) and joint injections ($200). All of the horses get a yearly "required by law" blood test($20), necessary vaccinations ($40), yearly dental work ($40), bimonthly dewormings ($6-10 ea.), And 6-8 hoof trimmings/yr ($35 ea.). So, the total average cost of caring for and feeding Padre is about $2,300/yr or $6.30/day and the rest of the ponies average just over $1,300/yr or about $3.60/day.

Of course there are other expenses, such as vet bills when they become sick or injured and tack, equipment, supplies, etc. Anyhow, that's it in a nutshell... I'm always having people ask me how much it costs to keep a horse and I always figured it was about $15oo/yr and now I know that that is about right... until you start throwing in "extras" for a high maintainance horse. But, sometimes you just gotta do what you just gotta do to take good care of your buddy.

"A little neglect may breed mischief;
for want of a nail the shoe was lost,
for want of a shoe the horse was lost,
for want of a horse the rider was lost,
for want of a rider the battle was lost,
for want of a battle the kingdom was lost -
and all for want of a horseshoe nail."
-Benjamin Franklin

ugghhhh.... there's just so many things that need to be done, so many things that need to be bought, so many things that could be bought to improve our horse management, so many CHOICES....

Of course, right now, the barn is priority #1, but we already have all the pipe and tin we need, plus the sawmill to make our own lumber, so thankfully we don't have to spend any more money on it for now... except - should we pour concrete now or wait on the concrete and buy automatic feeders (something I'm thinking would help me and the horses' digestive systems greatly since I have such a wacky schedule and I'm the sole "feeder"). Or, should we spend that money on fencing, or arena panels??? I guess really it's down to the concrete or feeders.

But then, I think about how much I'd really like to go to a Charmayne James clinic with Padre and I think about am I really gonna have the money to send Pepsi to the trainer in the fall if we spend our money on concrete, feeders, etc.? AND, Jeff needs a shop, we need to add on to the house, we need to pay off some debts, we need to get ourselves into a situation where we can start the adoption process so we can finally start raising children.... sometimes I just get overwhelmed thinking of all that is ahead of us and I wonder if we'll ever get it all done. I often wonder if I'll ever achieve my dreams of competing in pro rodeos, as well.

On top of all of that are the "little" things that can be quite daunting at times, such as - should I really use protective boots on Padre??? I've always thought that would go without saying, but when I picked him up my friend, his previous owner, said not to use them. So, for the first run or two I didn't.. and he did great. Now, I read in Barrel Horse News all the scientific studies have been done on protective boots and prove how beneficial they are, but there's also proof against them which keeps at least one pro barrel racer, Tamara Reinhardt, from using them - and she has no problems resulting from not using them. Her horse actually does better without them.

I need to quit thinking.

We have come so incredibly far in the past 5 yrs.... shoot, even in the past 2 yrs... that it's unbelievable. I do know that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me and that through the favor of God comes the favor of man. The Lord gives, the Lord takes away and it is ALL in His good timing. He has taken good care of us this far and I know He will continue to take good care of us. Thank You, God, for all of Your blessings!

One of those great blessings is an abundance of rain we received this past night. I had planned to work with Pepsi some today, but we'll have to see how sloppy the ground is. I know it's too sloppy to ride Padre... however, it is probably perfect for digging post holes and driving t-posts, so I just might get busy building fence since we've had quite a bit of materials lying around these past few months and since I've finally finished all that I wanted to accomplish in the house for now. I am relieved to see that finally just about everything has it's own place now, due to the new shelves, racks and hooks I've built and installed. Now, I can't wait to see some fencing up and some "ponies" worked!

"There is no benefit to being impatient. There is no benefit in "making things happen." What you birth in the "flesh", you must maintain in the "flesh". However, what is born of God is managed and maintained by God." - Paula White

Warning to anyone who might've already read today's post for my yahoo 360 blog: this is redundant... I simply thought it would go nicely for this blog as well, since it IS about "All the Pretty Horses."

Nothing much to report on progress... all I've made time for Pepsi is just a little quiet rubbing, talking to and praying over as she contentedly munches her hay. And, about the same for Padre, too. I've still been busy with the "spring cleaning", which has transferred to the yard as well - we never really knew what busy was till we bought our own land. But, it is wonderful and we really do enjoy clearing, planting, and just making something out of nothing.

Anyhow, I had made this blog for my own enjoyment, and now I see that there are actually some folks reading this, so I will share a little history of my own....

Our names are Jeff and Jennifer and we've named this home of ours The Forty. Our brand, which we need to get up to the courthouse to register, will be 4T. It is a small "ranch"-in-the- making... 36.75 acres. There was nothing to it when we bought it and, as I said above, we are truly enjoying making something out of nothing... especially now that we have a sawmill. :) Though The Forty was only just established in 2004, Jeff and I have had "Ponderosa" dreams since childhood.

Jeff grew up with a few horses, most noteably the buckskin gelding that he still dearly loves -Joe, and hundreds of cows. At one time his father was the second largest cattle rancher in the county. Jeff spent his time, when not in school, working cows and cutting/baling/hauling hay. He got a little burnt out on it in his teen years, but when I came along he jumped back in feet first. He likes horses, but he really loves hunting and fishing. I like hunting and fishing, but really LOVE horses. It makes for a good balance.

I experienced some of that cattle ranching/hay hauling life right after high school, and I loved it, but for the most part my life has been with the horses. In elementary school I was in Girl Scouts, and it was through the Girl Scouts that I finally found the horse fix I had been craving since birth. I had the wonderful opportunity to earn my horse lover's badge on a trip to a ranch just a few miles from my home, and they were gracious enough to invite all of us to continue coming to the ranch. I took them up on the offer and never looked back.

Eventually, they gave me my start in horse ownership with a yearling colt they had raised. I named him Cherokee. Three years later I was finally able to bring him home, along with my second horse - a gelding named Stroker. He was a good riding horse, but had been badly neglected. Sadly, we lost him to sand colic a little less than a year after bringing him home. I was 14 at the time. By then we had a nice little 2 yr old gaited cross filly, Cocoa. I had gotten her green broke, and, after alot of help from David Walsh to overcome the abuse of so-called "trainers" we had sent him to, Cherokee was doing well under saddle, though green broke as well. This was the start of an ongoing friendship with the Walsh family. Cocoa went to live with this great family, was renamed Libby and became a wonderful trail horse.

By this time, I had wanted to learn to barrel race for years. Stroker, an experienced barrel horse, was meant to be my "teacher", however we never made it to what was intended to be our first playday.

Usher in the age of Dixie... knowing I needed an experienced horse to learn on, I let go of the "love of my life" Cherokee and brought Dixie home. By this time I was quite a little rider and on my way to becoming a horseman, having had a year of hunter/jumper lessons on a myriad of lesson horses, and having spent the summer of my 13th year on the backside of the racetrack. Yes, I still had a long ways to go, but I had enough experience to know, when I first mounted up on Dixie, that this was the horse for me. She was the first truly "hot" horse I'd ever sat and I LOVED it! I no longer had to work to get the speed I desired - she offered it freely. She gave me my first foal - Surprise (born just months after bringing Dixie home)- and taught me many things in the 6 years I owned her... and she left a hole the size of Texas when I lost her to founder just before my 20th birthday.

By then I had had some more training experience - my first training "project" , Mosquito, had been bought, trained, bred (Amigo was her adorable black & white paint colt) and resold. And I had started my second "project" - my first registered horse, Another Sippa Cash, a 1996 American Quarter Horse. I had bought her as a two year old with the money from selling Mosquito & Amigo, and I must say she was quite possibly the most beautiful horse I'd ever laid eyes on. By the time I lost Dixie I had Cash coming along nicely and had bonded with her, so her presence was quite soothing to my hurting heart.

Though they did not belong to me, I ran barrels on Scooby and Buckles for awhile since I had no competition horse. I took a "hiatus" due to a divorce and Cash went to live with my best friend for the next six months. Jeff came along in my life not long after and with him came Sam & Jenny, 2 bay QH's - actually his uncle's horses, but we used them and cared for them for a while. And there was the "family" pony my mom originally bought for my niece - Buster - who was worth his weight in gold. Unfortunately we lost him to Cushings disease. And there were the 2 mustang stallions we adopted - the buckskin, Oogie and the bay, Moose. They became good cow horses for some friends of ours. We eventually found the horse we thought would fit Jeff - Rebel, an all-around sorrel QH gelding. He was meant to be Jeff's trail horse and roping horse and to be my backup barrel horse. However, we later discovered Jeff's saddle badly bridged his back and was causing some behavioural problems, so I was the only one left riding him, though eventually I used him for giving lessons, too.

I ended up trading him and Cash to a good friend for a lovely black Thoroughbred jumper and went back to taking weekly lessons. Over the years I had kept up with my English riding and had taught nearly every horse I regularly rode how to jump at least small fences, but I had discovered some severe weaknesses when I showed in my first classes on Cash and I meant to strengthen and improve myself with my new TB, Sammy. I did well and was advancing and looking forward to taking the long, long awaited plunge into eventing.... until I'd had one too many runaways and a bit of a nasty fall that put me out of work and in the bed for a week. hmmmm, I honestly can't remember what number concussion that was, but I believe I've had 4 or 5 total... LOL I don't think that's too good, but it's not too bad, either.

Anyhow, after that I decided I didn't feel safe on any horse other than Cash, so I managed to trade back for her and eventually got Rebel back ,too. However, my fears lingered and caused problems for Cash, so I sought out the help of a barrel horse trainer I know. She had absolutely no problems with Cash, so I knew it had been me. Alot of good came out of the situation, though... I learned alot from her and she really did polish Cash off. She was always such a joy to ride, train and compete. But, later that year, for all the wrong reasons, I ended up selling her - and deeply regretted it. It was a hard lesson learned, but one I won't soon forget - don't sell your best horse.

Well, I kind of quit riding not long after that. My heart just wasn't in it. It also didn't help that I had nowhere to ride but in my yard, which really wasn't mine to begin with. I had ridden Cash down the roadsides, but Rebel wasn't in favor of that. We eventually tried replacing Buster with a cute little pony mare we named Molly. She gave birth to Lilly on one Good Friday morning. Alas, she just couldn't fill the shoes of Buster, so the two of them were passed along to another family. Later on down the line we found a good replacement with a good old QH mare, Scooter... unfortunately we had moved to the Forty by then and we rarely get visitors, so she just wastes away. Consequently we are currently seeking a new home for her.

About a month after moving to the Forty Jeff finally found his horse - a gorgeous Saddlebred/Saddlehorse/Paint cross mare named Snickers. She is an absolute doll and we just love her to pieces. Last fall Rebel had a minor injury and needed 6 weeks off, so I was without a barrel horse... sooo a friend says to me "come get Gambler out of my pasture and use him since you're afoot; if you like him, I'll sell him to you." So, I went and got Gambler and just fell in love with him, too. Our first ride reminded me of Dixie - he is hot, though not quite as hot as her. He is a QH, registered as Jerico Gamblin Man; I call him Padre. Well, I enjoy him so much it made me realize that I just really didn't mesh too well with Rebel... he's too laid back for me; so I started searching in earnest for a new home for him. I found a family that raises Quarter Horses and was willing to make a trade. So, Jeff and I visited their awesomel ranch one blustery, cold January (or February?) day and looked at their many beautiful horses.

I was so very thankful to God that I was able to bring home Pepsi, an athletic and beautiful filly that I am very much enjoying... even on those not so reportable days when all I do is quietly rub her, talk to her and pray over her as she contentedly munches her hay.

"A horse is worth more than riches" - Spanish proverb